I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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