I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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