i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize