do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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