pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Holy shit dude........stairs
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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