my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
