I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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