Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
