Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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