Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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