if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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