I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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