Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize