I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We have so much sex to catch up on
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
