Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
