it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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