The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
