I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
