the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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