what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
