If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You are the jesus of drinking
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
