I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
where are my eyebrows?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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