Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
and she was petting her beer can
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize