I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
