So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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