i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
