i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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