I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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