I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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