if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
