I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
