You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so explain again why im purple
no
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i think im in europe. pls send help
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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