She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
