one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize