Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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