I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
