I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
