I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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