Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
