on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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