I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
