I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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