can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
