i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
