I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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