Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
