Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She told me I should be a condom model.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
