My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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