Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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