only if we run a train.
done.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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