You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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