Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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