Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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