my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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