Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
