I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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