What a fucking waste of an outfit
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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