I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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