Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
