Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
