dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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