FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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