a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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