well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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