Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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