He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
