the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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