Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
