I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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