I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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