Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
