Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
