why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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